Eurotrip - Featuring The Heff

Ahoj!

As promised in the previous blog, here is the new blog delivered a little sooner.

We go forth now to Czech Republic, more specifically Prague, the capital of this awesome country and home to our coach driver Dave. Since the start of the tour, I'd wondered if everyone in Prague was going to be like Dave, because let's be honest, he's a little odd old Davie boy. Everyone who's ever had a conversation with him will tell you how awkward the conversation becomes after about 2 seconds. In fact, as soon as his gaze meets yours, you feel awkward because you know he's going to come over and have an awkward conversation with you. He's not a creepy or a bad person in any sense...Just a little different. Understanding Dave is impossible. You pick up every third or fourth word, and those words are usually "The, a, sometimes, eh, ahh, I, went, go" etc... So the major parts of the conversation are missing. Basically to keep it flowing, you look at him blankly while he talks and then every now and then he will laugh at something he said and you laugh along with it and he loves it. After some discussion with the rest of the group, I found out I wasn't alone in those situations. He's a nice enough chap, but it's draining trying to talk with him.




Before Prague, we stopped in at an awesome little village-type town called Cesky Krumlou for some lunchies. There was a massive castle and all the streets were made of cobblestone. It didn't seem like a popular tourist spot due to the lack of souvenir shops and the masses of non-commercial pubs and cafes. I had two objectives in mind for our time here. I needed some Czech Koruna (There are 17 to the Australian Dollar) and more importantly, I needed a fat feed. A few of us found a pub that sold Schnitzels with chips for 99 Koruna, and to some smelly campers, that sounded pretty good. Finally, we'd reached a beer country, and it lived up to it's name. I assume you've all heard of Budweiser, and if you have, I have the impression that the first thing that comes to mind is the US. Budweiser is the most widely consumed beer in Czech Republic, but it's the real stuff. The U.S bought the name and made it famous...They also turned it to shit. In this little pub we were served this beer in Budweiser glasses and our hearts sank. For so long we were looking forward to a good beer and to see this name, we were distraught. At the first sip though, we were pleasantly surprised, and at first we'd thought they'd just given us the wrong beer, or the wrong glass. Later we were to learn about the history of Budweiser and that what we were drinking was in fact the real and original recipe brewed right there in Czech Republic. Our Schnitzel was also indeed a marvel.



By the time we'd fished out an ATM, devoured our schnitzels and drained out Budweiser glasses, we discovered it was time to go. One of the down-falls of Contiki surely for everyone is the lack of time we are allowed in each city and town. I could have easily spent a week in this little town, but as we were only here for lunch, we had to get back on the coach and part with the new beloved. A return destination definitely.



Back on the coach, we were on the road again and before long we'd arrived in Prague. On the books before our campsite was a little walking tour hosted by Tara. We were definitely in the more historic part of town, and it was pretty far out from the city centre, so I'm glad we covered this section on this day. The place was full of churches, monuments and intriguing characters. By this stage of the trip, we'd developed a great ability to sleep on the coach, and more importantly, wake up on demand and be in sight-seeing mood as soon as we departed the coach.

After the historical sector, we made our way further into the city and found these bad boys:



Basically, some artist decided it would be an awesome idea to chuck these fellas on the middle of the street as a piece of art. I like it and I think it's a great idea. The aim of the artist was to lighten the mood of everyone as the city was going through a time of depression of some kind (I can't quite remember the story, but everyone was in a pretty miserable mood). On a little plaque next to the work there was a mobile number. You text a word to the number and the chaps pee out the word for you. The whole time they seemed to be spelling out words, so I don't know how long the queue was for our word to be written in pee form, but we gave up and off we went.



We also encountered the skinniest official street in Czech Republic. A large man wouldn't be able to fit down it, and it even had it's own set of traffic lights.



Shortly after, we walked across some famous bridge. I can't remember anything about it, but on it were the creepiest, strangest and most intriguing people I've ever come across in my life. People on this bridge wore eye patches, or didn't have eyes, or had eyes with no iris colour. It was creepy and long and everyone was death staring us as we walked across. It was a bizarre sensation. On the other side of the bridge, we met up with Tara again, and she walked us through the city centre and onto the coach and finally, we made our way to the campsite.

After a setting up our tents in the rain and spreading mud everywhere, I had a cold shower and we proceeded to have soup and curry for dinner. Shortly after, the majority of us decided to have a sober night and carked it for the evening.

Early the next morning we all jumped on the public bus to make our way into the city again. On arrival, the chaps and myself wasted no time in making our way to the markets. As usual, I grabbed myself some Strawbs and the lads went off to get their country-coloured friendship bracelets. In a couple nights time, a dress up party was taking place. There was no particular theme, as long as it was something that you bought while on the Contiki tour, so we had to find something to dress up in. We found a second hand shop and in we went. Here we learnt that there is a vast difference between an OP shop and a second hand shop. Second hand store owners raid the OP shops for all the cool stuff, and then sell it for just under regular price. Since finding out we went to Germany I wanted to find some brown pants for an awesome German-looking getup I had in mind. I found the brown pants and Amanda found a deadly skirt and looking at the time, it was time for lunch.

Our arranged lunch took place on a little river cruise boat and was another one of these buffet style lunches. It also came with a two free beers. Needless to say, I absolutely smashed that buffet and felt pretty sick afterwards from eating so much, but with the night we had planned ahead, I think it was a good idea.

Getting off the boat, most of us had the same idea. We’d been told stories of a museum Prague is famous for. At this point of the trip, museums were getting pretty old, no matter how fascinating and intriguing the inside was. Museums now just made me tired and all I would think about was how sore my feet were. Pathetic, I know, but such effects are the dark downside to such a full on tour. This museum on the other hand was much different, it was a sex museum. Everything possibly related to sex, was here in this museum. On the first floor, everything started out pretty tame with items such as old school lingerie and the first porn movies ever made. These movies were awesome and reminded me of the old rag-time piano western movies. Playing in the background was piano, and there was no dialogue, but it was easy to get the gist of what the scenario was supposed to be. Made in 1925, the movie we were watching was about some rich guy who had a butler and a couple maids. When their work was done they all decided to have some sex, and then they got caught by the rich guy’s wife, so she joined in etc…Being made in the ‘20s, obviously there weren’t big names in the porn industry, so the director had to make do where he could by hiring prostitutes from the street and using them as the stars. Everything about the video was awkward and none of them quite knew what to do, understandably, it wasn’t as if they had a template or inspiration to work off.



Another floor up, we found ourselves in a very new realm, a realm I didn’t know existed in the world of sex. Walking up the stairs, we noticed a massive screen that had pictures of a heap of fetish’s…Some of them really bewildered me. Sploshing, as a brilliant example, is the fetish which involves covering oneself or another with a substance that varies among all who partake. Some of the more popular substances include chocolate, honey and cream, but can stretch out to more outrageous things like wax, faeces, mud and even blood. Moving on through the floor we saw all kinds of toys, a wall full of various ways to pierce your special bits and a room full of sexual furniture and chastity tools. Among some of the worst included a ring that is fitted to the penis, and has sharp, barbed metal piece sticking into it. While flaccid, the penis is fine, but when erect, the barbed metal stabs in and causes severe discomfort. In the furniture section, there was a thing called the golden shower throne. A girl sits on the chair which has a hole in the middle, and under the hole it a little mattress where a man can lay down and watch…So, basically it’s a chair where a girl pees in some guys face. I could go on and on about this floor, it was brilliant, strange and eye-opening.



On the 3rd and final floor, we stepped into a very uncomfortable place, we stepped into the world of latex, bondage and all things cringe-worthy. Some of the things people put themselves through are truly bizarre and quite frankly, I’m positive I could continue living life without the need or urge to ever know any more about the world of bondage. Also on this floor were these things called stretchers. Basically, stretchers are these massive rubber cones. They sit on the ground, and people (Mainly gay men I assume) then sit on them. The further down they sit on them, the further it stretches…I’m sure I don’t have to say any more.

Finally, we made it out, everything intact, but a lot more educated. From here, it was time for a beer, and quite naturally, the best place to go seemed to be the beer factory. Walking down the stairs of the beer factory, it was nothing what I thought it would be. There were no vats or casks, but instead a heap of tables with taps in the middle. On the wall was a massive projected screen with a score board. How it works is that you sit down at a table and each table has four taps, each with a different beer. Every time you pour a beer, your score goes up for how many litres your table has had. Needless to say, it ends up in a race and you end up drinking a lot of beer. Bloody good idea from the owners to make some money.

Ben's first effort at pouring a beer.



I found absinthe on the menu and since I’d never had it before, I gave it a crack. It was a most peculiar way to drink it and it was worthy paying the money just to watch the bar tender prepare it. Despite losing probably half of the alcohol, it looked magnificent. With a sprinkle of cinnamon, the chap behind the bar lit the absinthe on fire briefly before pouring it into another glass and then suffocating it extinguishing the flame. The smoke/gas residue was collected in one glass and napkin was placed over it to prevent it’s escape and the other glass was given to me. I drank the shot and then the bar tender put a straw through the napkin and I was told to inhale the whatever if was that was left over. I don’t know if it had any more effect or provided any more to my drunkenness, but it wasn’t at all pleasant. The chap who spewed out of the taxi in the previous blog was looking awfully sober, so I took him to the bar, and we both proceeded to have the same monstrosity. As soon as he reached the straw stage, his stomach contents projectiled all over the bar. It was magnificent!

After leaving the beer factory, we met up with the entire tour at an Irish pub and I proceeded to have some more Absinthe (Cheapest shot in the bar!) but in a different form again. I had it once as just simple down the throat, and twice using the flame and sugar method which involved a spoonful of sugar which is soaked in absinthe, alit and when caramelised, stirred into the absinthe in the glass and then finally consumed. Why are there so many ways of drinking the stuff?

Later in the night, everyone made their way to a 5 storey night club that had different music in every level. Of all the night clubs I’ve ever been to, this one was probably the best. This isn’t because it was massive, or because all my Contiki friends were there, it was because there was an entire floor dedicated to “Oldies” music. It was gorgeous and everyone had their own crazy ridiculous dance styles and I knew and liked every song. There were plenty of old cronies around, but there were the fair share of young ones too and at one point in the evening, some guy started a conga line. We joined in and it would have been at least 50 people long, and the conga line danced its way through every floor of the club. It was brilliant!



When I started getting tired and realised I should probably get back to camp, there were only three other people left in the club that I knew, out of the 30 that were there at the start, so it was definitely time to head back. Prague taxi drivers are crooked and every one of them tried to rip us off. After declining 4 or 5 taxis who were trying to charge us AUD$100+, we found one guy that would take us back to the campsite for a somewhat reasonable price. After 4 hours sleep in the wrong tent, it was time to wake up and head off again on the great European road. This time, our new destination was Munich in Germany.

More 50 cent toilet passes and fantastic beer to come.

Nashle!