‘Allo chumps!

Turkey is the new country. Getting across the border was a bit of a bitch as Turkey isn’t a part of the European union, despite their best efforts to get in. To get through, we were required to attain ourselves a Visa and had to present our passports at the border. About the only advantage to this somewhat tiresome crossing was the duty free shops, which are always great fun to have a squiz. We managed to find a 2lt bottle of Ouzo which would have worked out to be about $18 Aussie dollars. Such a deal is dangerous! Unfortunately, Ouzo isn’t one of my preferences. We had some bloody potent versions during our stay in Greece, enough to last me for the next couple months until I make a return trip to Greece.

Catching me off guard, we spent the entire afternoon around Gallipoli. I wasn’t aware of a trip being made to Anzac cove, but I’m very glad we got there. Before arriving, Tara had written a little speech with a general overview of the war. This general overview took a good 20 minutes to get through and proved to be very informative. She gave us so much to soak up. At the same time, I realised how much I don’t know about any of the wars, even the war against Iraq. During the overview, Tara took us through what could be described as a personal account as to what the Anzacs went through on the morning of the 25th April. Surprisingly, I became quite emotional about it all. Sitting on the bus, not talking and only hearing this account with nothing to distract me, I could focus on what she was saying.

Shortly after Tara finished reading her overview, everyone fell silent for quite some time. That quietness continued for the next couple hours. Stepping out of the coach onto the beach was also a big hit. Standing on the pebbles, overlooking the sea where so many men would have spent their last moments was surreal. Looking at it when I was there, all the rocks were grey, all the water was blue and there were lovely flowers (Mainly poppies) scattered everywhere. I could only imagine how different it would have been that morning, everything stained the colour red. Listening to the cove, I could only hear waves crashing and the quiet wind. Again, that morning, I don’t imagine anyone would have been listening to the waves. My experience in Anzac cove is difficult to put into words. I’ve never been through such a feeling before.

Throughout the rest of the day, we visited other sites around the area, including the Lonely Pine memorial site, and a Turkish memorial site to have a look at the war from the other perspective. Above everything, what made the day truly worthwhile and special, was a quote I saw on a plaque -
“Those heroes that shed their blood and lost their lives…You are now lying in the soil of a friendly country. Therefore, rest in peace. There is no difference between the Johnnies and the Mehmets to us where they lie side by side here in this country of ours…You, the mothers, who sent their sons from far away countries, wipe away your tears; your sons are now lying in our bosom and are in peace. After having lost their lives on this land they have become our sons as well.” Ataturk 1934
I’m relatively sure this was the president to Turkey at the same who made this quote.

Our campsite went by the name of Hotel Kum, and was definitely one of the better - if not, the best - sites on the trip. Attached to the site was a cool beach. It was a mix of pebbles and sand, which meant we could run around like dicks, but we could skip stones. We’ve skipped stones in Italian, Greek, French, Australian and Turkish water. I managed to sniff out a little bar at the campsite, scored myself a beer and went to watch the sunset on the beach. The entire tour ended up on the beach, and we all enjoyed the sunset together, it was a rather beautiful moment. Because we were only spending one night and were waking up early in the morning, a lot of us decided to sleep under the stars. It was a great experience, and I had to stop and think to myself “I’m sleeping under the Turkish stars”.

The story of Troy always interested me, but not enough to actively seek out the finer details. Luckily, our bus happened to go through it, and so we all got out, and met the coolest guide we’ve had on the trip, and with a name like Mustafa, how could he not be cool? When we approach a large wooden horse that has been varnished, sanded, and has perfect symmetry with comfortable seats inside and some girl asks the guide “Is this the real horse that they used?”…I get scared. After listening to Mustafa for about 10 minutes, I realised that I have another thing on my ‘to do’ list. He explained how incorrect the story line was in the film, and that has sparked me to do some research on my own. I’m going to leave it until after the tour, seeing as we’re in a new country every couple days. I can’t leave myself stuck in Turkey. I’ve never considered myself interested in architecture, but because Mustafa was so excited about the city walls, I became excited, and although I had no idea what he was talking about concerning the walls, I loved it.

By the end of the day we were in Istanbul. Tara had been talking about Turkish baths since the day we all met, and we were finally here. After a quick dinner at the hotel, Tara, Jodie (Our mobile cook), Andy and myself made a quick getaway from the group, and before anyone could realise we were gone, I was being covered in soap from a big, fat, moustached, terrifying Turkish man, wearing very little. We’d been informed that you could go through the entire session naked, but unfortunately this has been changed, and so we spent the session in a very little towel. Basically, you walk in and you’re given tokens for the activities you’ve paid for. Feeling like shit after spending most of the day walking around in the blistering Turkish sun, and then sitting in a cramped position on the bus all day, I decided to lash out and go for everything. This included unlimited use of the marble room, a 15 minute soap massage (Which includes every bone in the body being cracked), a 30 minute oil massage and unlimited use of the showers.

First off, we had a chill, or rather a bake, in the marble room. Featuring a massive heated chunk of marble in the middle of the room that everyone lays on, the humidity soared, and felt a lot like a sauna. I saw a lot of man flesh and thick black hair in that room. Lying there, I was sweating like a champion, and at one stage I wiped my forehead, only to discover that half of this ‘sweat’ was a thick oil that was being drawn out from my body. I imagine it must be insanely good for you to get rid of this oil. I felt healthier I guess.

Soon after, some terrifying bastard who looked like a war veteran who’d killed many people, who almost happened to be my soap masseuse pushed me on to my back, crossed my arms over my body, and jumped on me. I felt every bubble of nitrogen in every vertebrae pop. After throwing water in my face a couple times, my old fat man covered me in soap and almost kneaded me into a pulp. Throughout the course of the soap massage, he never took his eyes away from mine, so I’d close my eyes. Every time I opened them, he was still staring right into me. After almost breaking my spine, neck and hands, I almost genuinely believed this man was trying to kill me. Instead of talking, he grunted, and if you didn’t understand quick enough that “Mergh” means rolls over, he would pick you up and slap you back down on the marble in the desired position. All that being said, it was one of the best experiences in my life, and it was so much fun.

My oil massage was nothing more than what I expected, but was still amazing. This was a different masseuse and he was bloody rough. After washing off some of the excess oil and fatty substance, I returned to the marble room and sweated it out for another 30 minutes or so. After dehydration set in and the ceiling started looking like a plate of wobbly jelly, Andy and I got out of there. Seeing a pile of dry towels, we picked one up and walked out of the marble area only to have another big fat moustached man yell “NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!”. This man took us back to the pile of towels, and apparently we picked up the wrong one. He ripped our towels off us, so we proceeded to stand there starkers, and he dressed us up in the proper traditional way with the towels. Combined with the rest of the session, I did feel violated, but in a respectable and hilarious way.

A block away from our hotel was the “Sheesha Bar” where we found our entire tour. I hate the word Sheesha, because I have no bloody idea how to spell it. When walking into the bar, the first thing I saw was Benjamin with a dirty big hose sticking out his mouth attached to the Sheesha and surrounded in strawberry smoke. I wish I’d have had my camera, it looked awesome. Everyone sat us down and they were so mellow. This Hookah stuff seemed to be chilling everyone right out. Already feeling relaxed from the bath, this bar is exactly what I needed. Our floor was a mattress with a slab of wood put on top, and everyone was sitting on pillows rather than chairs. Someone scored me a mouth piece, and before I knew it, strawberry smoke was billowing in a cloud around my head. I loved that thing. I think if I ever move out, I’ll buy one and stick in on the kitchen table. They look cool, and are an incredibly social device. By re-filling the Sheesha constantly, the chaps running the bar made a lot of money from alcohol out of our group that night. Again, I wish I’d had my camera, because I believe this will be a memory not easily forgotten.
Starting the next day early, we had a tour that lasted a couple hours. It was a pretty crappy Apart from the Blue Mosque, our guide was just trying to sell us shit all day. Our first stop was at a hotel that had just opened, and rather than talking about the insanely cool street we were on, or something about the city, he told us all about this hotel and how Contiki groups get 20% off drinks when they go there. Further on, he took us to the Turkish bath we’d visited the night before, and spent the entire time telling us about the pricing system and how good the sessions are. More further on, we found ourselves at a carpet shop. The man in the carpet shop pulled out all these carpets and told us about how long they take and how genuine they are and then asked us to have a look around and buy something. One of the cheaper one’s I saw which was about the size of a door mat and costed more than our entire tour. I wonder why they would take a Contiki tour, especially a camping Contiki tour to this place. Most people can’t even afford lunch let alone one of these bastards.

Another highlight for the day was the Turkish Shave. This was another activity that received a lot of hype. Despite being different and exciting and awesome, it was just a shave in the end. I’d have to say the most exciting part was the after shave, I’ve never had a proper after shave applied to my skin, and it actually burns! Some of the chaps, the one’s with particularly hairy ears, had ear burning. This involved the shaver dude holding a lighter up to someone’s ear and singeing the hairs covering the ears. I did get some massive black thing shoved up my nose. It vibrated and felt cool. Ben looks about 12 again.

A lot of the rest of the day involved getting lost in the Grand Bazaar, and haggling for a better price on something without actually buying anything. I find the idea of haggling great fun, and I played with a few techniques. Later, we all went out for dinner and had a five course meal with entertainment all night. This included belly dancing, knife throwing, singing, and just cool music in general. It was a fantastic night out, but the lighting didn’t allow photos. Turkey has a capsicum that resembles the jalapeno and throughout the evening there were various salads and every time I saw this mini capsicum, I asked Dave the Coach Driver if it was a chilli, and he would laugh at me and say it’s ok. By the end of the night, I’d given up asking, and the main dish consisted of mashed potato with a lovely braised diced steak. On the side were tomatoes and what I thought were these capsicums. With that, I halved one of them and chewed the bastard up and swallowed. Turns out it was a chilli. As any beer drinker will know, beer does nothing to soothe the harsh burn of half a chilli. After the beer, I stuffed a huge dollop of potato in my mouth in the hope that maybe it would soak up some of the heat, but the potato must have just come out of the pot, because it was boiling, which made it a lot worse. Dave saw what was happening from the start apparently. He watched me cut the chilli in half and shove it in my fatty McFat-tard of a gob, but decided on saying nothing. All he could do was laugh while my face was red and eyes watered. When the dinner and show finished, we managed to get up to the roof of our hotel where they store a heap of cushions, and so spent a large majority of our night up there.

Aaaaaanyway, my hands are sore, so I’ll leave you all with that.

BYE!

P.S My bus buddy Terri decided to write a funny, so I’ve decided to leave it:

So have managed to have the best bus buddy in the whole world. Although, she ditched me this morning and I wanted to crawl into a foetal position and cry.

Hellooooo!

The next stop saw us arrive in Athens, capital of Greece. About an hour out of Athens we stopped at a place for dinner. On occasions we have to buy our own dinner, and this was one of those. The only food we could find at this bus stop was a place called Goody’s. Now despite what the name may suggest, do not be misinformed. It was a strange set-up for a fast food joint. On the outside, and even the inside, everything looked like McDonalds, and that was precisely what I was expecting. When hit with the menu, we were slapped in the face with the palm of confusion. From the club sandwich, chicken burger and onion rings, to the more surprising mixed grill, salad bar and beer tap, no-one was sure whether this really was a fast food joint or a restaurant. Regardless of how much range they had, everything was shit, except the coke and beer. My mixed grill included three pieces of ‘meat’. I know one of these was supposed to be chicken, but the other two are still a mystery to me. Andy had a club sandwich that appeared to taste of nothing at all, but still managed to retain the texture of a sandwich. I hear that’s all it had going for it. Ben discovered that our chips were hollow, so all we were really eating were pieces of batter. In the end, the moral of the story is don’t go anywhere near Goody’s, because they’re actually Baddy’s.

Our campsite had a pretty strict rule against noise, so the entire time spent in the campsite was almost a fun-ban. It did have free WIFI though, and due to the no noise rule, I gave me a good chance to sit down and write some e-mails. It’s not often the opportunity comes around.

Early in the morning we set off to see the city of Athens, starting off with a guided tour of the Acropolis. Benjamin and myself are bloody hopeless tourists. I thought it was a city and Ben only knew that the word that existed. For me, the only interesting part was listening to the mythology behind it all. It was fascinating, and I’m tempted to delve further into the topic. I do wish I’d been interested in it all before I came to Greece. The structures themselves proved to be awesome to look at too. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it already, but about 90% of the buildings and structures we’ve seen are half covered in scaffolding. It seems that Europe as a whole decided to start maintenance and re-construction of their historic and cool buildings at the same time. The Acropolis was no different I’m afraid. Looking out over the mountain the Acropolis is situated on gives a full panoramic view of Athens. At this point you realise how much the Greeks love their architecture. Every house looks the bloody same, with the same coloured bloody roof and the same bloody courtyard.

Our tour guide then got on our coach and with Dave, our Czech coach driver, took us through Athens on a broader tour of the city. It was interesting to see the damage caused by the riots. Every bank and ATM had been attacked somehow, either with paint, rocks or fire. Half of the ATMs around the city had been smashed into and were out of order. Judging by the tone of our guides voice, I think it’s safe to say that the general public of Athens were not happy with the whole situation. She seemed to be very upset about the bank that was alit, killing (I don’t know numbers) many people. Thankfully the riots were well and truly over when we were there.

After a big morning of walking and sight-seeing, the tour split up into mini groups (Everyday we get to join a different group) and we decided that we needed some giros. Our last experience with giros left me needing more, it’s bloody good stuff, and is the kind of food that would make a drunk chap very happy at the end of a night. After roaming through the many streets and visiting the flea market, we checked out the Parliament House. In front of the house are two guards that stand perfectly still for an hour. Every hour on the hour, the guards are changed. When I say these fellows stand still, they stand still. We managed to see the change over as we arrived at exactly 3:00, and it looks ridiculous. Whoever decided on the way they march must have been a prankster.

In an electrical store similar to JB hi-fi, there was a massive computer section. I needed something to backup all my stuff on, and so I decided on a portable hard-drive. I figure 320GB should keep me out of trouble. What made me happy was that all the demo computers around the store had internet. This makes it possible to walk into the store, use their free internet for an hour and walk out again, no questions asked, and bloody oath that’s what a large majority of us done. Everyone checked their facebook, e-mails and bank accounts and bought nothing.

Ben, myself and Andy all decided to buy hard drives so we could get everyone’s photos after the trip. We located the cheapest 320GB hard drives we could find, and found that 59.95 was the cheapest we could get away with. After much contemplation over which colour we were to get, Ben and I settled on black, and because Andy wanted to be different, he went with white. Before walking to the desk to pay for it, Amanda (A music/anime/wine loving girl on the tour) noticed that Andy had picked up a 500GB hard drive by accident. After checking the price tag and seeing it was still 59.95, we had to go and check the rest. For some reason, the black, pink and purple 500GB hard drives were 89.95 Euro, but the white one’s were the same price as the 320GB’s. We knew it was a mistake, but we tried our luck anyway. Andy and Ben paid and got through fine with their big bastards, but I managed to get in a line with some old bird who looked like she hated me since she first saw me. She picked up on the problem, so I had to walk out with my measly 320GB white hard drive which I paid the same price as the other two. Bastards.

All in all, Athens was a great place to just walk around and look at stuff. Most Greek people are more than happy to help, and although most of them (especially the older crowd) can’t understand us, everyone knows what each other is trying to say. A good example is a restaurant. The owner understands that you’re loving their food, and you understand that they want you to enjoy yourself - and then pay.

This morning we picked up 14 new people, mostly Canadians and Australians, with the odd Kiwi dispersed. Again, they all seem like friendly people, and I don’t think it will take them long to gel with the group. It’s going to suck learning new names again though. Leaving two of our campers behind this morning was pretty tough though. Because they were only on the 22 day camper, we leave them in Athens, and the new people are on a 24 day camper, who will now stay with us for the rest of the journey.

About three hours after leaving the campsite, we arrived at our first pit stop where we usually have a feed, a stretch and use the W.C (Water Closet, or a toilet as it’s known at home). At this point a rather large realisation dawned on me. Yesterday I had a plastic bag full of all my important stuff, like phone, wallet and my new hard drive. It was also half full of rubbish, so this morning I pulled out all the important stuff and shoved some more rubbish in there and threw it in the bin. After going through an extensive search through my day pack, and backpack with no sign of wallet, I’m beginning to think that my wallet was not sufficiently taken out of that plastic bag and may therefore be well on the way to the dump. We’ve rang the campsite and asked them to stick their heads into the bins to have a look. A phone call came, and a wallet was found, unfortunately for me, it wasn’t mine. I’ve ruled out every possibility bar two. Either my wallet is in that bin, which I’m almost 95% sure of or it’s in my tent somewhere. I’m hoping for the latter.

With that, I’ll leave you all.

Bye!

----------------------------

Luckily for me, 5% is still a possibility. As soon as we arrived at the campsite yesterday, I ran straight to the luggage compartment and threw out my tent. After ripping into it and feeling a little square lump, I thought it almost too good to be true, but it was there. It was a beautiful moment, and I’ve never felt such a wave of relief in my life. Apart from that, there wasn’t really anything else to report on from Kavala. The place was a hole and was only used as a stop-over. To me, it didn’t exactly seem like a touristy sort of place. Every child watched with intensity as we walked past in search of cheap nasty wine and no-one spoke a word of English. At the only ATM in the city, we managed to have a 10 minute conversation with three old Greek chaps, with no words actually understood throughout the entirety.

Mornin’ boooyyyzz.

In this fine edition, I’ve been taken to the incredible Greek Island, Corfu. After Barcelona, this is the spot on everyone’s mind. Covered in beaches and as warm as Oz, those lucky enough to be joining me on this tour we pretty excited. As a traveller, if you don’t spend every day sight-seeing and making the most of the day, you feel incredibly guilty, and the day is usually destroyed. People come to Corfu for the opposite reasons. For a place to chill, and do nothing without a care, Corfu delivers. Because there are no touristy attractions here, it’s possible to just sit on the beach all day, or simply go for a scenic drive without a care or the feeling of guilt. We all knew we were in for a good couple days, but it turned out to be much more.

At the beginning of the tour, we had three different tours on the bus, and after Nice, we lost one of these tours to another group. It sucks that everyone had just become comfortable with each other and everyone was friends. Waiting for us on arrival to Corfu was that group. Despite our short time together, and short time apart, it was an emotional and awesome reunion. It was good to hear some stories like one chap who decided to scrum a fire extinguisher, setting it off and come off 400 Euro less, or another chap who pissed himself, and then proceeded to sit on a couch.

An optional activity that was offered to us was “George’s Boat”. Anything that includes sitting in the sun, lunch and a tour group full of friends - in bikinis - is a winner over me. For 35 Euro, I was expecting something sensational. What was delivered was far more than I bargained for. The information given to us was that we were going to be cruising over to some section of the Island famous for the water sports, and that George is loveable and creepy. Tara described George as the creepy uncle, and I couldn’t have put it better. If we weren’t warned, George may have been somewhat scary, but since we knew before hand, the man came across as geniously hilarious. As soon as we got into Corfu, we set up camp and walked to the beach to be picked up by George.

The first thing that many of us noticed was the boat’s logo. On the cabin door of the boat was a big sticker of two people in the ‘69’ position. Shortly after, the deck hand walked past wearing the boat’s singlet. The back of the singlet features George’s boat, and about 10 people involved in a huge orgy. Apparently in the day, this is what George’s boat used to be like. Moments after we left the beach, I felt a wave of relaxation come over me. Burning up in the sky was a scorching sun, and it felt so good. Unlike Australia, Greece has a thicker ozone layer (or so I’ve been told), so even after spending 5 hours in the sun, on the water, I still came away with nothing more than a better tan.



There were heaps of options to choose from at the water sport place, but all were insanely expensive. It’s not every day one has the opportunity to go para-sailing, but it’s not every day it’s going to cost 60 Australian bad-boys either. Two Canadian lads from the tour decided to have a tandem para-sail, and I was fortunate enough to sit in the boat and take some snappies. One of the activities was the banana boat, where the banana is dragged along by the boat. It could fit 10 people, and we managed to fill it all with people from the tour. It was incredible fun, and painful when you fell off. Another activity I signed up for was the inflatable tube thing. Ben and two others from the tour also went for the inflatable’s, and so all four of us went at the same time. It was awesome fun smashing into each other and observing everyone’s reactions. Some of the noises that came out proved to be enjoyable also.



For lunch, George kept it simple by making ham and salad rolls with hot chips, olives and his own (almost 100% garlic) Tzatziki. It was gorgeous! We then discovered we could buy alcohol on the boat, and the beer was quite cheap, so to further relax ourselves, we got on the piss. After another 45 minutes of cruising around the island, George stopped at a lovely little pebbly beach, and before we could ask where we were, our mobile cook for the tour had taken off her top and leapt into the water. Then, before I could comprehend what had just happened, all the girls on the tour were running around topless, jumping into the water. All the chaps looked at each other and knew what needed to be done. Ben lead the way by cupping his manhood, and plunging himself starkers into very clear and cold water. I saw this activity as a great bonding session for the group as everyone felt comfortable enough to jump in to this water minus their clothes. After more beer, Zorba dancing and national anthems, the boat stopped for one last swim, and then we were taken back to our beach.

Later in the night, Tara took us all to a little chilled out cocktail bar that overlooked the beach. Having never consumed a real cocktail, it was a rather exciting experience. Benjamin had a Pina Colada, and I had to hook into the Jamaican Banana. For only 70 Euro, one could also purchase a Vodka and watermelon, which is basically watermelon juice, with vodka, served in a watermelon. One old chap did purchase one of these, and with the willing help of the group, managed to consume it all.

We were fortunate enough to spend a further two days in Corfu, and so eight of us decided to rent some cars. I couldn’t have thought of a better way to see Corfu. By having our own transport, we could visit whatever beach we wanted, and we were free of any time limits. It sounds frightfully boring, but I believe our day spent lying on the beach, doing nothing at all, was exactly what we needed.



Everyone had put their name down for the Greek Dinner and Dancing night, which was another optional activity organised for us. For some reason though, it was cancelled, which I find to be most unfortunate as I was looking forward to the traditional plate smashing. Instead though, we all put in 20 Euro and, being in Greece, had a Toga party. Many of the chaps decided on the traditional style of nothing underneath, which Big Ben and myself decided to join in on. It was a free feeling. Who-ever made the punch done a really good job, because it had no flavour of alcohol to it, and therefore I was chugging it down like water. Tara organised some drinking Olympics which included smashing down beer, punch, wine and the dreaded Ouzo. I’m still embarrassed by my egg and spoon race attempt. In my group, I was the first to go, and before the race had even started, I’d already broken two eggs. That punch turned me into a walking wreck, and I remember a good 50% of the night. I haven’t heard of anything I may have done with possible regrets, so I think I’m safe.



Greek drivers are crazy. On our last day in Corfu, we all decided to drive our hire cars through the city, to get to a really nice beach that was recommended to us. Our car was following, and the one in front being driven by Andy - Some champion from Melbourne - decided to turn down a little alleyway. This alleyway turned into a brick road. This brick road turned into a pedestrian road. This pedestrian road seemed to have no exit. For about 30 minutes, two little white rental cars were narrowly dodging dogs, old men and waiters from restaurants. We somehow made it out of this Greek maze and were on the way again.

So far in Europe Benjamin and myself had only seen one sandy beach, and even that one was pretty shit. They love their pebbles here, but the pebbles suck. To walk into the water, one must endure all kinds of pain and ridicule. This beach was different though. With the sun out and blazing, super fine sand and not too much wind, this one reminded me a lot of the beaches back home. Still in the Greek frame of mind, all the girls decided to rip off their tops and give their beauties a bit more of the Greek sun. Our group proceeded to sun-bake for the day and before long, I found myself running into the water starkers with a chorus of laughter and applause from an appreciative audience. My little stunt was very invigorating and I felt alive and refreshed. I encourage everyone to have a little streak somewhere, the human body is a beautiful thing. I recall a few other girls having a dip that was skinny throughout the day also.

One of the girls, Katie (Who happened to be the one to start all the nakedness off), was dared to walk into a supermarket with her boob out, pretending she didn’t know it was like that. She pulled it off marvellously. So marvellously in fact, that the old Greek guy who served her came running out to tell her that she should re-arrange her clothing. I thought this act was highly commendable and we all found it hilarious.

This morning we’ve left Corfu and we’re currently on another ferry. On arrival we get on a bus, eat the best gyros in the world and then drive to Athens. I do hope all the riots are over. It will be interesting to see how the city has been affected.

Bye!